Joy is one of my very favorite words. Mama's favorite quote growing up was "Find your joy." It's a word that I've prayed over a lot lately; finding joy is much easier said than done especially over the last few months. Today's devotion from "Jesus Calling" really hit home for me.
"On some days Joy is generously strewn along your life-path, glistening in the sunlight. Other days are overcast and gloomy; you feel the strain of the journey, which seems endless. Dull gray rocks greet your gaze and cause your feet to ache. Yet Joy is still attainable. Search for it as for hidden treasure."
Everyone I know has gone through a time in their lives that was overcast and gloomy. For me, this summer held very few bright spots. A cancer diagnosis has nothing on watching my parents suffer and burying Mimi. Even in the lowest of lows of our lives, we can rest in the fact that there is hope and joy.
I've come to realize that I control my own joy. Being grateful and thankful and having an active prayer life help me feel more like myself. Joy is still attainable. I just have to search for it.
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Mimi
Two weeks ago, I woke to a phone call from my daddy at 5:24 am. I knew exactly what he was going to tell me. I don't know how exactly, but I knew. Mimi's passing came 8 days after we buried daddy's wife, Malisa. And one month after my mom received the news that her breast cancer had returned.
Her name was Daisy Ann Brame Stewart. She hated the name Daisy; in fact, she tried to change it when she was 18 but her mother successfully talked her out of it. She always regretted that. I called her Mimi and so did everyone I ever introduced her to.
Here's a few of my favorite stories:
Mimi was the only grandmother who smiled at our wedding. I'm pretty sure her smile was bigger than mine that day! I remember right before Henderson and I got married, she wanted to sit down and have a chat with me. She said that I needed to make sure and do Henderson's laundry, cook and serve his meals, and clean up after him. But my favorite part of that conversation was when she told me to not forget to change the toilet paper roll... The last thing she said to Henderson a week before she died was "Take care of my Bailey."
She was not shy or afraid to let anyone know what she was thinking. At Malisa's funeral, she asked the funeral home if they had any bottled waters, and they told her no. She told their staff, "You need to go across the street and get us some waters!" At her funeral they most definitely had bottled waters for us, ha!
Her personality was so much bigger than she was (at only 4'11" that didn't take much). She called everyone "darling". In December, she answered telemarketers calls with "Merry Christmas!" And she constantly gave compliments to people; she even would compliment fast food workers on their uniform!
Mimi could not follow directions at all. When I was a kid, she picked us up from nature camp in Starkville and she wanted to head to West Point (15 miles away) to a little fabric store. We ended up in Alabama...
I loved to shop with her. Even if I liked something and it was "trendy", if she didn't like it she would tell everyone, even the employees!
She talked on the phone ALL THE TIME. Most of her friends and she talked at least once a day, sometimes more. Her little dog, Silver Bullet (with her accent it sounded more like Silllvaa), barked and wanted her attention the whole time she was on the phone but she didn't care. She always said, "I'm not going to get off the telephone." In fact when I was a kid, she left something on the stove and forgot about it while she was on the phone; her kitchen caught on fire.
She was an only child and she ALWAYS complained about that. I remember a couple of years ago (at the time she was 73), I told her she was going to have to get over it because it didn't look like she would ever have a sibling!
I will never be able to put into words my grief for the loss of this amazing lady. She was much more than a grandmother; she was my shopping partner, my best friend, and my true confidante.
I can't believe I will never receive a hug from her again, or here her say "Oh, Bailey" when I call with good news. Department store and gift shopping will never be the same. And the fact that my children will never meet her breaks my heart.
But I am so very fortunate to be a part of Mimi's legacy, and I will spend the rest of my days doing her proud.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers as we continue to grieve.
Her name was Daisy Ann Brame Stewart. She hated the name Daisy; in fact, she tried to change it when she was 18 but her mother successfully talked her out of it. She always regretted that. I called her Mimi and so did everyone I ever introduced her to.
Here's a few of my favorite stories:
Mimi was the only grandmother who smiled at our wedding. I'm pretty sure her smile was bigger than mine that day! I remember right before Henderson and I got married, she wanted to sit down and have a chat with me. She said that I needed to make sure and do Henderson's laundry, cook and serve his meals, and clean up after him. But my favorite part of that conversation was when she told me to not forget to change the toilet paper roll... The last thing she said to Henderson a week before she died was "Take care of my Bailey."
She was not shy or afraid to let anyone know what she was thinking. At Malisa's funeral, she asked the funeral home if they had any bottled waters, and they told her no. She told their staff, "You need to go across the street and get us some waters!" At her funeral they most definitely had bottled waters for us, ha!
Her personality was so much bigger than she was (at only 4'11" that didn't take much). She called everyone "darling". In December, she answered telemarketers calls with "Merry Christmas!" And she constantly gave compliments to people; she even would compliment fast food workers on their uniform!
Mimi could not follow directions at all. When I was a kid, she picked us up from nature camp in Starkville and she wanted to head to West Point (15 miles away) to a little fabric store. We ended up in Alabama...
I loved to shop with her. Even if I liked something and it was "trendy", if she didn't like it she would tell everyone, even the employees!
She talked on the phone ALL THE TIME. Most of her friends and she talked at least once a day, sometimes more. Her little dog, Silver Bullet (with her accent it sounded more like Silllvaa), barked and wanted her attention the whole time she was on the phone but she didn't care. She always said, "I'm not going to get off the telephone." In fact when I was a kid, she left something on the stove and forgot about it while she was on the phone; her kitchen caught on fire.
She was an only child and she ALWAYS complained about that. I remember a couple of years ago (at the time she was 73), I told her she was going to have to get over it because it didn't look like she would ever have a sibling!
I will never be able to put into words my grief for the loss of this amazing lady. She was much more than a grandmother; she was my shopping partner, my best friend, and my true confidante.
I can't believe I will never receive a hug from her again, or here her say "Oh, Bailey" when I call with good news. Department store and gift shopping will never be the same. And the fact that my children will never meet her breaks my heart.
But I am so very fortunate to be a part of Mimi's legacy, and I will spend the rest of my days doing her proud.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers as we continue to grieve.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Plans
This year, I've been reading the Bible everyday on the She Reads Truth app. I am absolutely loving it. The plan jumps around a little bit (and I'm a few days behind) so this morning I read from Job and James. James has really spoken to me. I've taken several screen shots and sent them to Henderson or my friends.
2015 hasn't been as easy or as fun as I thought it would be. I assumed I would go back to "normal Bailey" but, emotionally and physically, that's not happening. I'm slowly coming to the realization that I have a new normal and it's not anything I would've ever planned or imagined. It's difficult for me to realize that just because I want something, I may not get it. Basically, I'm not used to not getting what I want. I have yelled at God more times than I can count, begging for what I want on my timeline, pissed off that I'm not getting what I want. I am a three year old throwing a tantrum.
People constantly remind me of the verse "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). And while this verse has been a comfort to me during the last six months, it wasn't until today when I read James 4 that I was truly convicted.
"As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil."
Evil. My plans are evil. Wow. What a punch in the gut. It kind of hurt my feelings a little.
I truly don't know what tomorrow holds. It may be better or it may be worse than what my plans were. But when I'm upset or pissed off or yelling at God because things aren't going my way, I'll remember this verse. Maybe this is God's way of yelling back at me.
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