Plans

This year, I've been reading the Bible everyday on the She Reads Truth app.  I am absolutely loving it.  The plan jumps around a little bit (and I'm a few days behind) so this morning I read from Job and James.  James has really spoken to me.  I've taken several screen shots and sent them to Henderson or my friends.  

2015 hasn't been as easy or as fun as I thought it would be.  I assumed I would go back to "normal Bailey" but, emotionally and physically, that's not happening.  I'm slowly coming to the realization that I have a new normal and it's not anything I would've ever planned or imagined.  It's difficult for me to realize that just because I want something, I may not get it.   Basically, I'm not used to not getting what I want.  I have yelled at God more times than I can count, begging for what I want on my timeline, pissed off that I'm not getting what I want.  I am a three year old throwing a tantrum.  

People constantly remind me of the verse "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).  And while this verse has been a comfort to me during the last six months, it wasn't until today when I read James 4 that I was truly convicted.  

"As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes.  All such boasting is evil."

Evil.  My plans are evil.  Wow.  What a punch in the gut.  It kind of hurt my feelings a little.  

I truly don't know what tomorrow holds.  It may be better or it may be worse than what my plans were.  But when I'm upset or pissed off or yelling at God because things aren't going my way, I'll remember this verse.  Maybe this is God's way of yelling back at me.